'Being yourself' Can Actually Ruin Your Life
|Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash|
There is a time that comes in everyone's life at least once called bad time or hard time. At that time, you feel so fucked up that nothing makes any sense. You feel like some invisible evil power has blocked inflow of ideas to your mind. You have a burning desire to do something that can "change the world" or do something similar but you are doing nothing at all. You fly like a bewildered butterfly and ask some wisdom-guy:
I don't know what to do...
I don't know where to start and how start...
I don't know how to do the things that I want to do...
I don't know what to do with my life...
And they say the magical words in the most mystical way:
You roll your eyes up, go to ecstasy and feel the magic. You rush to your home and start doing the things you can do. But unfortunately that magic does not last for too long and bang. You are back to your old awful situation.
Actually, these words sounds so powerful that we start believing it. But you know what, this is the worst advice ever. These can literally ruin your entire life.
Whenever you hear these words from a super successful wisdom-guy, ask your self just one question. Who the hell am I? You might be worst than any shit at that time. Does it mean to be more like shit for the rest of your life? Does the wisdom-guy is suggesting you to be the asshole you are at the moment for the rest of the year you have? Hell no.
The actual problem is not with the words. The problem the way you interpret.
Let me tell you a story to give you a better idea of what these words actually mean.
Once upon a time, somewhere in the world, there were three brothers who were blind by birth. Suddenly one of them popped an idea to see how an elephant looks like. Yes they can't see anything but they can feel it and relate to other things. So they went to a zoo and the zookeeper led them all to an elephant cage.
The first brother touched its legs and said oh, "the elephant looks like pillars." The second touched its ears and said, "nup, it looks like a hand fan." The third one touched its belly and shouted "shut up you idiots! it looks like a fucking wall."
Moral of the story is that in order to get full idea of something, one really need to look at it from different perspectives. They were all right in their own perspective but no body was in face right. They were looking at a single part of the elephant which got them no clear idea of what it really looks like. Everyone was right on his own but actually non of them was right because they were looking too closely. The lens, the perspective through which you see things really matters.
So when you hear, "just be yourself", do you know enough about yourself that by being yourself you will get a successful and meaningful life? I bet you don't know. That's why you are where you are.
The advice itself is not wrong but it is incomplete. The complete version could be "be the best version of yourself".
If you agree with this then problem is half solved. All you need to know is to know yourself. Figure out who you are and what is the actual shit you would like to deal with.
You can figure this out be trying each version of yourself for sometime, dealing with different shits in each version. You need to investigate what kind of material you are made of. Are you the kind of material who would like to suck his boss' balls? or you are the kind of person who would prefer to mind his own business? Are you the kind of person who loves to hangout with random hookers or that kind of person who would stay loyal to one and only one partner?
Find out your best version of yourself for each role you have to play. Best version of yourself as a parent, as a child, as a student, as a teacher, as a person and so on.
PS: Victoria Ayres shares an effective way to find out who you are.